"Have A Nice Day!"

This ain't real reality but some alternate, based-on-parts-of-a-true-story, reality where no fewer than seven conversations become one story. A place where the fantasy life you try to pass off as reality, online, is combined with experiences that have happened in the real world. My own and others. Not everyone is sexually repressed. Just sayin'.

Sex still sells, and we all know that's why the hit counter is where it is despite the fact that there aren't any gaping vaginas or exposed titties on display here.

Crushing Defeat For the Perverts

Too much stupid, not enough time...

If you care to read all the madness

For The Love Of Vagina, Ottawa

From "365 Days For Choice"
The Radical Handmaids gather today in Ottawa 5:15pm
In Support of Vaginas Everywhere

Wednesday September 26 5:15pm Ottawa

The Radical Handmaids are organizing a gathering tomorrow, for those opposed to "everybody" all up in a lady's coochie. 

What?

Awesomeness Saturday September 29

This event is for all the slutty, literate types in the Ottawa area on Saturday Night. And those who appreciate them.

Type, Type, Edit, Type, Edit, Edit, Type

"Some words"...  apparently, it doesn't matter what they are... Um, what? 

The blue words lead to other words, some of them erotic in nature. Try it. You'll like it. Unless you hate lesbians. 

So ya, here're some pictures to tell the story again.

Simple Town

"Every picture tells a story, don't it?"

Sometimes it helps to read the words in, beside, under or around the pictures.

Muscles

When you work with words, about sex, people take all kinds of liberties with boundaries employing uncouth behaviour that wouldn't come up under other circumstances... I think. Or should "hope" be the verb there? Probably

Real Pictures

Damn, I guess asking for dicktures,
for the dickture article,
could be a bit like me wishing cancer on your dick.
I really didn't mean it like that...

You can find all the erotica
right here. Blue=link ;) 

Fuck man, I hate to break it to you but photographs of my, or anyone's, heaving bosom

Weekday Update

No worries, I'm still a dick on the Internet.

Note To Self

Discuss...

Random Pictures

Type some stuff, la la la. 

In all the seriousness it is humanly possible to muster,

Ask A Hot Chick - 8

Ask A Hot Chick is a popular sport. Much obliged, and I'm finally purging the shitload of media I've stored in various places. You're welcome, I know how much you love pictures.

Lazy Fucker

I don't mean "Lazy Fucker" in the classic sense of the term.

Name Dropping

I read an article quoting William Shatner as saying "What's Twitter?" so I guess I'm following a faker... Lame. Even lamer that I can't remember if it was actually Shatner or someone else. Fuck it.

My question 

Love Letters

Do you know how much shit a lady has to tread through to find the funny shit?

Irony Is Ironic

This fine Monday is entirely too fucked

Ask A Hot Chick - Seventh Heaven

Q: Sensei please tell me what women want to hear on messages from men on this site.

A:  I broke your question into two parts, for the sake of brevity, which we all know is fucking impossible for me. And to be able to use the bit where you called me "Sensei" twice.

Six Inverted Six

Happy Soixante Neuf... soixante neuf is "69" for those of you who don't know the language of love, or haven't seen Talladega Nights.

When you learn about sex from the Kama Sutra, the sixty nine seems boring

Naked Titty, With Real Raspberry Flavour, Prize

Shit, hot damn, wow fuck!

Safe, Sane and Consensual

Whatever two, or more, adults choose to get up to together, to get off by, is really nobody's business. In fact, The Man will enforce indecent exposure laws, which were probably designed to make certain it's nobody else's business.

Safe, Sane, Consensual. That's all

Writing Adult Entertainment...

Jefferson Airplane was absolutely right, when they wailed, "It's no secret, how strong my love is for you." It's certainly no secret that I love writing. LOVE IT. In a way that words can't express... that'd be where I'd toss in an "lol", if we were texting. 

Um, What?

Life As A Chick On The Internet shows us, quite clearly, that it really doesn't matter what you say, where, when or why. Probably part of the reason so many women give up on online dating. 

Further proof of that theory, that it really doesn't matter

This Fuck The Artist Fetish Is Amusing But Not In The Same Way Good Sex Is Amusing

So, here's the thing, a hot lady who uses a picture of cleavage as the brand image to peddle words that focus on sex and sexuality is bound to be the target of more than a few attempts at a date. That came out wrong. Target is too charged a word to be the most accurate there but fuck it, a word laid is a word played, on this fine day. Come to think of it, maybe it is most accurate.

A Long Weekend In Bed - Little Blue Pill

I've been in bed all weekend. Hot to the point of feverish and most definitely steamy.

Strange Shit People Say

This is the shit you won't learn in ESL class. Like the way North Americans will sometimes use the expression "fuck you!" affectionately. The tone of delivery indicates most of the meaning. In print, look for the use of "smileys", "lol"s and "haha"s to determine if you're being loved or hated in any moment.

The Simplest Answer Is Usually The Correct Answer

Do you feel that most everything is fucked today, despite your valiant efforts to produce a less sucktastic day? 

Help Wanted

You've definitely always wanted to change the world, I can tell that about you just by the way you cock your head just so, as you read this. And I have an opportunity for you in that regard, because I care about your goals. It's my

Meet The Artist

My stunt double is taking a much needed leave of absence after you twats drove her mad with your stupidity. That's shitty for her but excellent for you because the chance of a lifetime is rearing it's beautiful head as a result.

The debate about my status as a hot chick or a but'erface is the hottest topic in all your tabloid magazines. 'Cause y'know, whether I'm pleasant or unfortunate looking has a lot of bearing on whether or not I can compose a fucking sentence. Or a regular sentence. Makes perfect sense.

Ask A Hot Chick - Six

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Proposals

No, thank you, I wouldn't like to get married to you. I appreciate the invitation but I almost guarantee you'd hate your life even more than you do now, if I was your wife. And I do guarantee that you're not the wife for me. I'd put money on it.

It has nothing to do with your mom

Oh Vagina, How We Do Love Thee

Vadge
Coochie
Cunt
Pussy
Vajayjay
The Almighty
Pink Canoe
Beaver
Poonanny
Poontang
Cock Pocket
Hoohoo
Bearded Clam
Birth Cannon
Pink Sausage Velvet Wallet
Cooter
Vertical Smile
Snatch

True Story, with Pictures

I wanted to settle some rumours about this whole thing. And I know that pictures tell the real story for many of you, so I threw some photographs in, too.

Legitimate Rape?

Illegitimate rape must be where the illegitimate children come from... things are making a lot more sense now.

What could I say about this dumbass that The Onion hasn't said better?

Warning: Fuckface Ahead!

Dating Law #37

A Bright Idea

Ain't that the truth...

So, I was all, "Fuck this, I'm going to buy a lamp..."

"Hi, I'm A Dirty Fucking Liar, And Dumb As Fuck, Too! Wanna Hook Up?"

"I'm a material girl, living in a material world"... I don't love Madonna, don't hate her but I definitely don't love her. And it'd be more apt to say "I'm a looking-for-blog-material girl, living in a there's-blog-material-everywhere world" but it just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Ya, I'm a fucking dickhead using social networks and online dating venues to peddle these here words. I'm gonna get the fuck all over YouTube at some point, too. Wait for it, it'll be... awesome. We're working on a photo series, too.

NSFW - Master and servant

Excerpt

~with a gorgeous stranger. He had an interesting view of my midsection where my shirt and blazer had lifted slightly from the hem of my skirt. I wondered if it was riding high enough to show my stomach.

Signals: The Where To of How To, Booty Styles

I'll talk to anyone, it's just the way I am designed. Zero fucks given.

I'm a closeted stand up comedian so an audience, any audience, invokes my funny bone. Add to that the fundamental concept that laughter is the best medicine, and that in some twisted parallel universe I am a

Ask A Hot Chick - Five

Q: I think I've figured out that I was avoiding "getting out there" by trying the online dating thing...

A: I think that your logic , to try out for the Online Dating Olympics, is sound. The odds are kind of fucked with the numbers in play, males 95, females 5, 3 of them pros, 1 BBW and 1 wild card. The wild card may have 5 kids or a husband. So, it's 95 to 1 or 2. So, that one or two percent is proof that not everything is too good to be true.

TGTBT

Sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees. It's a fairly normal bit of human stupidity. But the old saying "If it seems too good to be true, it probably is" exists for a reason. Broken down into lawyer speak, it translates into "This is the common rule but there are exceptions."

Because this blog is all about booty and how to access more of it

This Is Crazy

My Future Fiance and Ex-Husband (<-click that, it's a world of wonder)

Imma Writa YouTube Debut, Booyah, Nakedness

You know how "they" say "Thank Cleanliness It's Friday"? Ya well, today is like the best Friday of all time.

I know you've all been dying to see video footage of me,

Ask A Hot Chick - Fore!!!

Q: What do you think of male cross-dressers... I'm not gay!

A: A lot of cross-dressers aren't gay, not sure why you mentioned it with an exclamation point... don't care.

It's a little bit like that time

Ask A Hot Chick - Three

Paraphrased Query: Something about something, blah, blah, blah.

Things I Don't Know

Despite, or perhaps because of, all my mad wisdom, I openly admit there are still a few things I don't know.

One of those things is the reason why so many people ask me questions they should be asking their doctors,

Curiosity Killed The Cat: DTF That Guy

Bobak Ferdowsi's Plenty of Fish profile is blowing up by now. He's hot, he's fun, he's smart, he's all of a sudden famous, and damn, look at those lips!

Why am I 75% prepared to fuck some strange man with a fruity haircut? Well, firstly, it's more like 92%. I know it's 100% but to appear realistic, I left the window open 8%, just in case our pheromones don't mix well, or he finds  my jokes lame, or we have wildly opposing sexual preferences.

I'm definitely DTF that guy!

In No Particular Order, Top Ten Reasons I'm DTF Bobak But Won't Give You The Time Of Day:

Lady Gaga Nipple

Okay, there is no disputing it! That is Gaga Nipple.

Pics? NSA?

The number one slot, coming in just ahead of sport fucking as the number one male fantasy, is photo sharing with a babe.

Disclaimer

It seems that everything I say needs to come with a disclaimer... I won't get into the reasons you let your filters lead you to believe I am saying things I'm not. It's Saturday, I need a manicure before I can type at you about my sexcapades of late so you're going to need to blast through your own filters today. Blow your own