Sarcasm Expires in 12 Hours!!

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Holiday Assholes

Ya, it's hard to suck during the holidays but when you make it everybody's problem, it only means you're a Holiday Asshole. At the end of the calendar year, while media hypes up a lot of negative undercurrents...

Humour Is Subjective

"Sense of humour" is usually in the top five characteristics people use to describe mateworthiness of a potential partner.

Ask A Hot Chick - Seventh Heaven

Q: Sensei please tell me what women want to hear on messages from men on this site.

A:  I broke your question into two parts, for the sake of brevity, which we all know is fucking impossible for me. And to be able to use the bit where you called me "Sensei" twice.

Safe, Sane and Consensual

Whatever two, or more, adults choose to get up to together, to get off by, is really nobody's business. In fact, The Man will enforce indecent exposure laws, which were probably designed to make certain it's nobody else's business.

Safe, Sane, Consensual. That's all

Help Wanted

You've definitely always wanted to change the world, I can tell that about you just by the way you cock your head just so, as you read this. And I have an opportunity for you in that regard, because I care about your goals. It's my

Future Ex-Husbands and How To Use The Internet

I can help but think it,
It's the only thing keeping me on the fence.

Wrong, Soldier. My half-assed commitment to heterosexuality is impervious to all this grossness. It's like saying that because I saw some really disgusting people out there today that I am off sex forever. There are plenty of -9 asses wearing Lululemons outside of yoga studios. Plenty of greasy, pregnant looking men following along beside street cars and leering at nubile young things with 4% body fat. That couple who would read the bible and then make out like teenagers... Fuck, their memory makes me throw up in my mouth a bit.

What kind of twisted fuck am I to assault us all with that imagery? Probably some kind of fight or flight mechanism to preserve my status as a cock lover