Humour Is Subjective

"Sense of humour" is usually in the top five characteristics people use to describe mateworthiness of a potential partner.

Name Dropping

I read an article quoting William Shatner as saying "What's Twitter?" so I guess I'm following a faker... Lame. Even lamer that I can't remember if it was actually Shatner or someone else. Fuck it.

My question 

Um, What?

Life As A Chick On The Internet shows us, quite clearly, that it really doesn't matter what you say, where, when or why. Probably part of the reason so many women give up on online dating. 

Further proof of that theory, that it really doesn't matter

A Bright Idea

Ain't that the truth...

So, I was all, "Fuck this, I'm going to buy a lamp..."

"Hi, I'm A Dirty Fucking Liar, And Dumb As Fuck, Too! Wanna Hook Up?"

"I'm a material girl, living in a material world"... I don't love Madonna, don't hate her but I definitely don't love her. And it'd be more apt to say "I'm a looking-for-blog-material girl, living in a there's-blog-material-everywhere world" but it just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Ya, I'm a fucking dickhead using social networks and online dating venues to peddle these here words. I'm gonna get the fuck all over YouTube at some point, too. Wait for it, it'll be... awesome. We're working on a photo series, too.

This Is Crazy

My Future Fiance and Ex-Husband (<-click that, it's a world of wonder)

Curiosity Killed The Cat: DTF That Guy

Bobak Ferdowsi's Plenty of Fish profile is blowing up by now. He's hot, he's fun, he's smart, he's all of a sudden famous, and damn, look at those lips!

Why am I 75% prepared to fuck some strange man with a fruity haircut? Well, firstly, it's more like 92%. I know it's 100% but to appear realistic, I left the window open 8%, just in case our pheromones don't mix well, or he finds  my jokes lame, or we have wildly opposing sexual preferences.

I'm definitely DTF that guy!

In No Particular Order, Top Ten Reasons I'm DTF Bobak But Won't Give You The Time Of Day:

Sexy Poetry...

My favourite husband and I were talking about, none other than the great and magnificent,

Best Friends, Tosh Talk, Censorship Bears, Free Speech... for some

Do you know who hates when artists get paid more than people with shittier jobs? Other artists, apparently.


So, I've been a little distraught because of the fight Daniel Tosh and I had about his ugly shoes. It wasn't really a fight, but it was our first disagreement and I guess our love had been blinding us to the realities of human relations a little. 

Just like getting banned on that writing forum this morning,

Hater Vision and Even More Rape Talk

It seems that rape talk is all the rage these days, and you know me, always a follower... or human pun delivery system. Krusty the Klown says, "Hey Jerk. Puns are lazy writing!" but he's a clown. But I am a bit of a jerk. 

Clowns, rape talk, jerks, it just goes on and on. 

This week it's the fucktard Toronto Sun tabloid that's using the Letters To the Editor to help spread the good word that

The Porn Song

Since we're still going on about my Love's moral fibre deficiency, I'd like to

Pizza/Courtroom Porno, Take 1

Are we still talking about what's awful(ly funny in context)?

Le Weekend: Confessions

You know who's

More Rape Talk: Creeps of all Ages

Let's set this up with the "half plus seven" rule. Or the"double minus seven" rule if you're on the other end of things.


What?? You don't know about the 1/2+7 Rule? I'm here for you. If you're Fuck Informed already, skip down a few paragraphs, this part'll just be a refresher course for you. What's "Fuck Informed"? ... Oh God, please don't tell me you think about sex this much and haven't done any research on our favourite topic. Seriously, how can you spend so much time thinking  and dreaming about anything and know nothing about it???  S'ok, I'm here to help you get "Fuck Informed", I'll stop judging your ignorance long enough to help you kill that ignorance. I'm a humanitarian like that.

Real Problems

I think if I read one more tirade about how evil Daniel Tosh is, I may throw up the load of come I swallowed earlier.


Yesterday I mentioned our forthcoming marriage and our fantastically weird sex life, in great detail, and I've been too busy, picking out china for our skeet shooting reception that will follow the ceremony, to comment on what amounts to

Future Ex-Husbands and How To Use The Internet

I can help but think it,
It's the only thing keeping me on the fence.

Wrong, Soldier. My half-assed commitment to heterosexuality is impervious to all this grossness. It's like saying that because I saw some really disgusting people out there today that I am off sex forever. There are plenty of -9 asses wearing Lululemons outside of yoga studios. Plenty of greasy, pregnant looking men following along beside street cars and leering at nubile young things with 4% body fat. That couple who would read the bible and then make out like teenagers... Fuck, their memory makes me throw up in my mouth a bit.

What kind of twisted fuck am I to assault us all with that imagery? Probably some kind of fight or flight mechanism to preserve my status as a cock lover