Life As A Chick On The Internet shows us, quite clearly, that it really doesn't matter what you say, where, when or why. Probably part of the reason so many women give up on online dating.
Further proof of that theory, that it really doesn't matter
what you say, can be found below with a few of the ads I've posted all over the world wide web to drive traffic to this here collection of words, followed by a few of the insane responses I've received.
I might have to stay home tonight and play Spam Baiters. It's a hell of a way to practice writing, and it never matters if you make blatant language law blunders. It'll be fun to see if I can get any of them to actually read the blog entries they have responded to. Goo' times, for real.
what you say, can be found below with a few of the ads I've posted all over the world wide web to drive traffic to this here collection of words, followed by a few of the insane responses I've received.
I might have to stay home tonight and play Spam Baiters. It's a hell of a way to practice writing, and it never matters if you make blatant language law blunders. It'll be fun to see if I can get any of them to actually read the blog entries they have responded to. Goo' times, for real.
The ads are the huge text, followed by the responses to each. Clicking on the blog entry, the blue highlighted links in each ad, will give some context for the commentary.
Daniel Tosh! Let's talk about him, some more!
http://www.donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/07/real-problems.html
Response: Hi,Are you still looking for employment ? Submit your resume.
http://www.donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/07/real-problems.html
Response: Hi,Are you still looking for employment ? Submit your resume.
*Um, what? So yaaaa.... read the fucking blog, bro, it is my resume. For writing...
Laughter is the best medicine ...and this girl is hilarious
http://donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/07/pimpin-aint-easy-help-wanted.html
Response: Hi how are you? I'm very interested but only if your a female haha
Laughter is the best medicine ...and this girl is hilarious
http://donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/07/pimpin-aint-easy-help-wanted.html
Response: Hi how are you? I'm very interested but only if your a female haha
*Um, what? Wouldn't a male pimp generally be able to offer a little more protection, physically, than a 111 pound woman? I mean I'm pretty scary and shit, but I'm no Michael Clarke Duncan, God rest his beautiful soul. And you do realize that women don't pay for sex, so you'd be a man man whore, right?
Curiosity Killed The Cat, it always does! Everything that's good about this week rolled into one tidy installment...
http://donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/08/curiosity-killed-cat-dtf-that-guy.html
Response: Those are beautiful... :)
Curiosity Killed The Cat, it always does! Everything that's good about this week rolled into one tidy installment...
http://donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/08/curiosity-killed-cat-dtf-that-guy.html
Response: Those are beautiful... :)
*Um, what? Allegedly I'm a dude because I love math. You'd know that if you read the article. Or the comments.
Response: Well since your posting in this section I may as well ask if your interested in sitting on cock for monetary gain?
*Um, what? Well, since you're a fucking idiot, with the reading comprehension and ability to compose linguistically at the level of an average second grade student, I may as well not bother pointing out that you quite obviously didn't read the article I wrote about you, or the fact that soliciting sex is illegal. I really fucking hope you don't have children, Mister.
Response: Text me sexy ;) ##########
*Um, what?! Is your name Bobat Ferdowsi? ...Dumbass.
Response: Hi, how are you, need more info I like the photo
*Um, what? The article is pretty clear, what didn't I say with those 3000+ words?
Response: Well since your posting in this section I may as well ask if your interested in sitting on cock for monetary gain?
*Um, what? Well, since you're a fucking idiot, with the reading comprehension and ability to compose linguistically at the level of an average second grade student, I may as well not bother pointing out that you quite obviously didn't read the article I wrote about you, or the fact that soliciting sex is illegal. I really fucking hope you don't have children, Mister.
Response: Text me sexy ;) ##########
*Um, what?! Is your name Bobat Ferdowsi? ...Dumbass.
Response: Hi, how are you, need more info I like the photo
*Um, what? The article is pretty clear, what didn't I say with those 3000+ words?
Response: Hey hey
*Um, what? Do you like Bobat, too? Are we gonna be best friends now 'cause of our mutual admiration? That's kinda gay. Not that we're best friends now but that you would also like to kiss Bobat. We can start a fan club if you want.
Response: Wow dose are nice I like them . Can I play with them
*Um, what? Who dosed you? You can scarcely compose a sentence, and you don't even know who to apply to to get into NASA. I have serious doubts that they'll let you into NASA to play with anything.
Very interesting article about massage. Among other things.
http://donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/06/hand-job-advice.html
Response: So how much is your massage and what does it includes?
Very interesting article about massage. Among other things.
http://donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/06/hand-job-advice.html
Response: So how much is your massage and what does it includes?
*Um, what? Do you think maybe the link in the ad may have been able to answer your stupid questions so you didn't prove you were an idiot as soon as you opened your mouth? What-what? How do I know you didn't read it? 'Cause you're a fucking idiot, that's how. Follow up a.k.a. "Did you really just act like a twat to a woman with a blog like mine?"
Response: hi there how much for your services, how llong can my appointement last. do you like making fun of small dicks? (photo attached, presumably of a small dick, his probably)
*Um, what? Remember that link, presumably full of more information, that I posted with my advertisement for an "article about massage"? Maybe you need a refresher course on how to use the internet??
Response: hi there how much for your services, how llong can my appointement last. do you like making fun of small dicks? (photo attached, presumably of a small dick, his probably)
*Um, what? Remember that link, presumably full of more information, that I posted with my advertisement for an "article about massage"? Maybe you need a refresher course on how to use the internet??
Response: Hi there. Could you please let me know your rate for oral and touching only, nothing more. I also need a pic bere I commit to anything.Thanks
*Um, what? Could you please read the fucking article attached to the ad you've responded to so you'd understand that I am trying to point out that dickheads like yourself are probably one of the primary reasons most women give up on online dating. You'd even get to look at the picture if you simply clicked the link... I bet you don't have a daughter, a sister or a mom, eh? Are you cool with your wife giving men blowjobs for money, or would that scenario make you realize that prostitution is prostitution, regardless of where you stick your dick into? Your wife won't fuck you anymore 'cause you're lazy and a fucking idiot, no mystery there, Brother. Though you are lucky I'm not the kind of bitch who splashes people's e-mails around on the Internet, because I bet your wife would be able to take you to the cleaners over something like this. And then she could be free to hook up with whoever she pleased, rather than staying with you to use you for your financial assistance while she has sex with the gardener. Didn't you notice that he's around all year, snow season and everything, and that you have no indoor plants? You're paying the landscaper to plow your wife... that's very altruistic of you.
Response: Very thought provoking, may i ask are someone that like to give massages?
Response: Very thought provoking, may i ask are someone that like to give massages?
*Um, what? Did someone actually read the article? Wow!! Wonders never cease! To answer your question, Imma Writa, I like to write.
Response: HelloWould like to know more please
Response: HelloWould like to know more please
*Um, what? I don't think I possibly could have elaborated any further but you'd have to have read the article to know that, so I don't believe you're confused, you're simply stupid and lazy. Your mom would be proud that you found the respond button though, good work.
Response: Call me if ur available ### ### ####
*Um, what? How'boutchoo get back at me when you actually look into what you're responding to. I think the current rate is $7/minute for chat, I'll have to check the blog for you since you don't know how to use the Internet yet either.
This could be the most entertaining resume ...you read all week. Perhaps two weeks.
In fact, it's so entertaining that you don't even have to be hiring to find your funny bone tickled pink, by clicking the link... limericks now available in the lobby.
This is what other people are saying: http://donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/07/reviews-from-nut-gallery-two.html But you shouldn't believe them. They might be lying, or I may have plied them with candy and booze.
This is the (secret) smut index where all the erotica is filed somewhat tidily, in some highly bastardized version of another Universe's Dewey Decimal System: http://donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/08/a-bright-idea.html
From a pimp, Response: Hello how you doing today,I need a driver for my wife so pls if you know you are a perfect driver get back to me with your contact phone number that i can reach you at any time of the day or night so i can call you and we can talk better , i will be waiting to read from you soon .
*Um, what? You didn't even read the blog yet, what the fuck are you waiting for? I mean, even if you're not her pimp, seriously, Imma Writa, of smut and "crazy liberal" notions about vagina. Do you really want your wife exposed to liberal ideas that will very likely plant seeds of doubt in her mind about you as a viable pimp- sorry, partner?
Response: Hello Are you still looking for job???
Response: Call me if ur available ### ### ####
*Um, what? How'boutchoo get back at me when you actually look into what you're responding to. I think the current rate is $7/minute for chat, I'll have to check the blog for you since you don't know how to use the Internet yet either.
This could be the most entertaining resume ...you read all week. Perhaps two weeks.
In fact, it's so entertaining that you don't even have to be hiring to find your funny bone tickled pink, by clicking the link... limericks now available in the lobby.
This is what other people are saying: http://donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/07/reviews-from-nut-gallery-two.html But you shouldn't believe them. They might be lying, or I may have plied them with candy and booze.
This is the (secret) smut index where all the erotica is filed somewhat tidily, in some highly bastardized version of another Universe's Dewey Decimal System: http://donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/08/a-bright-idea.html
From a pimp, Response: Hello how you doing today,I need a driver for my wife so pls if you know you are a perfect driver get back to me with your contact phone number that i can reach you at any time of the day or night so i can call you and we can talk better , i will be waiting to read from you soon .
*Um, what? You didn't even read the blog yet, what the fuck are you waiting for? I mean, even if you're not her pimp, seriously, Imma Writa, of smut and "crazy liberal" notions about vagina. Do you really want your wife exposed to liberal ideas that will very likely plant seeds of doubt in her mind about you as a viable pimp- sorry, partner?
Response: Hello Are you still looking for job???
*Um, what? Did you happen to look at what you've replied to? Rhetorical question, Cracker.
Response: Are you still looking for a job?
*Um, what? How many of my ads are you going to respond to without reading up on any of the links I've included. Shhhh, I already know that the answer is "all of them".
Response: Happy Sunday,
How was your day?We are looking a great Caregiver which is honest and trustworthy Pls i will like you to get back to me with your resume cover and if you don't have resume cover just mail us back and i will be waiting for your timely response.
Thanks.
*Um, what? Did you really just try to acquire the services of an adult entertainer to act as a caregiver? Your poor wards... Anybody with a pulse, huh?
Response: Part-time House Cleaner/keeper needed urgently.... This is a part-time position. Hours are 2 to 3 hours daily..2 times in a week..Responds back for more details if interested..
Thanks.
*Um, what? You do know that those links in my ad will lead to more information, right? Why would you try to hire a writer as a cleaner? Oh right, because you didn't look at what you were responding to because you're a spammer. Good work, Dumbass.
Most classic of classic scam, always watch for "military" and "missionary" it's sure fire scam shite, Response: Hello
I saw your post on ######## and i am willing to offer you a job
because currenttly am out of the state on a mission due to my
profession as a military man,i want you to get back to me so i can
tell you more about the job and i bet you is an offer you wont
regret....kindly get back to me with ny private
E-mail: ############################
*Um, what? ...If you really are in the military, we're all fuckin' screwed. And I dated a military man for a while, they all use their military issued e-mail accounts for everything, so the fact that you have two different free-mail accounts, one for sending responses and one for receiving responses, makes me think I should do my bit to serve the community and submit them both to the spam busters who compile lists of spammers like yourself. I bet your IP address would come up as being located in, um, say, somewhere on the continent of Africa but it ain't because you've been deployed there? Your lying and craptacular ways reflect poorly on Africans and military personnel, hence you are a Dickhead, twice. Like conjoined twins. Shit son, how you gonna work "conjoined twins" into the script?
Response: We would love to talk to you about an opportunity to work from home. This is real no funny business. Call me at ### ### #### and please leave me your name and number if i dont answer i may be on the other line.
*Um, what? Really? I'm pretty funny though. I just don't think you should rule it out. I can be serious, too, if that's really the kind of ad copy you're creating. Does the opportunity even involve writing? Or is it that you need my banking information so you can process my paycheque? Cash a fake money order and send the surplus back? Is that where the writing comes in, when I sign off on the back? I can't wait to get started!
Company name removed but again, real easy to determine from the link I replaced it with, Response: Work from home as a payroll clerk.
You will be responsible for data entry and preparation of payroll, and verifying payment for the companies in USA.
Principal Responsibiliies:
Sorts and distributes all checks to remote locations/ branches
Other duties and special projects as required or assigned
Assist with incoming phone calls
No experience needed
Compensation: Payments: $1000 per month : http://www.complaintsboard.com/complaints/bbampt-wheeling-west-virginia-c95752.html
Company name removed but again, real easy to determine from the link I replaced it with, Response: Work from home as a payroll clerk.
You will be responsible for data entry and preparation of payroll, and verifying payment for the companies in USA.
Principal Responsibiliies:
Sorts and distributes all checks to remote locations/ branches
Other duties and special projects as required or assigned
Assist with incoming phone calls
No experience needed
Compensation: Payments: $1000 per month : http://www.complaintsboard.com/complaints/bbampt-wheeling-west-virginia-c95752.html
*Um, what? I done heard about you, a few minutes ago when I done Googled your silly asses and found that link^. But y'see, regardless of what those reviewers say on that complaint board, you are offering $1000 a month to be in charge of all of the most sensitive data within your organization... and you just responded to an advertisement for erotica, complete with reviews, posted by a written smut purveyor, in Canada, eh. Wow! Double wow! Fuck people, get your dollars and cents out of that institution. Seriously, I am going to advertise the shit out of this blog entry to do my part to inform people .
Response: Need a house cleaner if need be,I will appreciate someone who will take care of my home even when i am not around town. Please, I also have a free apartment if you like to stay there,and we make a nice pay offer for you,as far as our home would always be clean,please respond with your rates.
Thanks- seeking individuals, not large company...we will refer to others if we like you
*Um, what? If what "need be"? Wouldn't you be the best authority on that? But let me get this straight. You want me to write stories about being your housekeeper and living in your apartment, and if you like them you will tell your friends, and they will hire me to write stories about cleaning their houses? Okay, I'll consider your proposal. The current rate for phone or instant messenger is seven bucks a minute, as far as I know. So, if you wanted these fantasies delivered in real time, it will depend if you want to do it on a pay as you go program or if you'd prefer to sign a three year contract that will cost more to break than to fulfill. But then again, if you'd like polished and edited stories sent by e-mail, the rate is still $7/minute. I could probably swing a buy-in-bulk rate, like $6.95 per minute when you purchase 5000 minutes in advance. Options abound but ultimately, bigger is better. Might I suggest that gift certificates make a great gift, hence the name, and may help encourage your "others" to hire me as well. Just a thought. Please send photographs of your domicile so that I may accurately portray your environment in these stories. I'm all about quality, you will be very pleased. The apartment as well, please.
From a different e-mail address than the other guy who sent this same message to three different ads, Response: Are you still looking for a job ?
From a different e-mail address than the other guy who sent this same message to three different ads, Response: Are you still looking for a job ?
*Um, what? Are you offering some sort of scribe role, within your organization? I'm stoked! Tell me all about it!
Response: General laborer / Forklift operator /warehouse helper /needed for metal shop .Must have at least 2 yr experience operating a forklift .1 yr metal shop experience with an understanding of basic power tools. Positions responsibilities include but not limited to Forklift operator, general labor ,metal finishing ,pallet making and cleaning. Must have positive attitude and be able to operate in a team oriented environment we work long HR so your must be ready and willing to work. Please submit resume in the body of the email . ALL EMAILS WITH ATTACHED RESUME WILL BE DELETED AND NOT CONSIDERED. .
*Um, what? Are you the same ##### that the other guy keeps referring to? That doesn't matter, you're probably not anyway. Did you really just solicit a resume from an erotica writer hoping to fill a forklift operator's position? Now, I'm not saying anything about your hiring department, but they may be the reason that you are experiencing the staffing shortage in the first place. Just a thought.
Classic spam, Response: Hi there,
There is a survery job position available in your area, You will be paid $400 weekly taking survey at big and small stores in your area.
For consideration and more information get back to me.
Thanks
######## ########
*Um, what? Sounds glamorous! Please do tell me every little detail. I know you will hire me, just like I know you read the erotica in my advertisement. Jokes, I know you didn't read jack shit!
Response: Hello, I need a cleaner in your area kindly reply me back if you are interested kindly reply me back to my email as soon as possible for more information.
Thanks
Response: Hello, I need a cleaner in your area kindly reply me back if you are interested kindly reply me back to my email as soon as possible for more information.
Thanks
*Um, what? Am I really running out of tidy bowl jokes to throw at you freaks? Hmm, how do I put this? Um... "Kindly refer you back at my sexy time stories in your area... you likey sexy time?"
Response: Hello ,
Kindly get back to me if you are still looking for a JOb.....
Kindly get back to me if you are still looking for a JOb.....
*Um, what? I can't wait to hear from you, You musta realllllly liked the erotica to randomly offer me a job like this!! Sweet!
How many times is this guy going to send this spammy link at the alleged request of some other spammy guy, company name removed and blah, blah, blah, better information in place of it, Response: Hey Steve told me to share this with you Hi,
I saw your resume and see than you are looking for work. Would you be open minded to look at other ways to make money while searching for your job ?
If you are interested please take a look at we do.
Click this link: [If you see a link from an unknown sender http://tinyurlchecker.com/ can let you know what it really is in that shortened URL. This YouTube video is embedded later if you don't wanna click this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?
Thank you for your time.
#############
############
*Um, what? I'm guessing you didn't get the memo that Steve and I are fighting because I told everyone about his small penis on my blog... Awkward. And I know you're full of shit about having seen my resume, or you'd know about me revealing Steve's "little problem" when you read that erotica I posted. You do like fucking, don't you? Weirdo.
Do you need... a sexy assistant to boss around? Doesn't everyone? http://donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/08/nsfw-master-and-servant.html
Do you need... a sexy assistant to boss around? Doesn't everyone? http://donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/08/nsfw-master-and-servant.html
Classic stolen credit card purchases ruse, watch out for these fuckers or you'll wind up implicated in fraud, Response: You looking for a part time Job? Are you available to run errands? I
am looking for someone who can handle my personal Assistant and run
business errands at his/her spare time.Someone who can offer me these
services:Mail services: Receive my mails and drop them off at UPS
(nothing illegal).Shop for Gifts, Sit for delivery( at your home) or
pick items up at nearby post office at your convenience.Let me know if
you will be able to offer me any of these services....
Thank you!
*Um, what? What makes you think I will be able to "handle your personal assistant" if you aren't able to? You're the boss, ain'tcha? Just fire the bitch and then you won't need a micromanager. Or is it that you think she may be more motivated if I am there to read her sexy time stories. Interesting approach... Tell me more, I'm really starting to get excited about helping you with your credit card fraud!!
Same spam^, different e-mail address, Response: You looking for a part time Job? Are you available to run errands? I
am looking for someone who can handle my personal Assistant and run
business errands at his/her spare time. Someone who can offer me these
services:Mail services: Receive my mails and drop them off at UPS
(nothing illegal).or pick items up at nearby post office at your
convenience.Let me know if you will be able to offer me any of these
services....
Thank you!
PS: I found you on #######
am looking for someone who can handle my personal Assistant and run
business errands at his/her spare time. Someone who can offer me these
services:Mail services: Receive my mails and drop them off at UPS
(nothing illegal).or pick items up at nearby post office at your
convenience.Let me know if you will be able to offer me any of these
services....
Thank you!
PS: I found you on #######
*Um, what? What was it you found? That you're a dumbass? Ya, me, too. How's the fraud game treating ya, Brother?
Company e-mail removed but again, not hard to determine by clicking the link, Response: Position open for employment? if you are looking for extra income, we are seeking someone to fill a full time customer service/inside sales position. The best candidates would be responsible for entering customer orders and answering inquiries accurately and within the same day received. Excellent follow-up skills, must have excellent phone etiquette skills, send us a message/forward your resume to http://globegazette.com/news/local/kelly-services-lawsuit-settled-out-of-court/article_29c5530c-a060-11e1-ac0a-0019bb2963f4.html for more details.
What!! again^, so soon, from a different e-mail address, Response: Position open for employment? if you are looking for extra income, we are seeking someone to fill a full time customer service/inside sales position. The best candidates would be responsible for entering customer orders and answering inquiries accurately and within the same day received. Excellent follow-up skills, must have excellent phone etiquette skills, send us a message/forward your resume to http://globegazette.com/news/local/kelly-services-lawsuit-settled-out-of-court/article_29c5530c-a060-11e1-ac0a-0019bb2963f4.html for more details.
*Um, what? How do I know if you have a position open for employment, why the fuck do you guys keep asking me? Is part of the problem you're having due to trying to recruit erotica writers to work at your shitholes? Is that some sort of rule you guys have to follow? Interesting policy. Really going that extra mile for your clients, huh? Nice one!
Response: How are you doing?Am #########,Am seeking a qualified candidate to fill a part time caregiver position. Qualified candidates will have little medical experience ? and other related duties as assigned...
Thanks and God Bless You?
*Um, what? You're not sure if God blesses me? You can't be very committed to all that religious tomfoolery if you're asking me. Why do you think that an erotica writer would be a suitable candidate for a caregiver role? Is it some freaky old man whose brain is jello but he can still get a boner when he sees a pretty girl kind of scenario, or what kind of freaky institution are you running over there, Mister?
Watch for this one again, too, Response: Hello,I need a cleaner/house keeper, i need someone who is above 18 and very honest and take thi job very important, Get back to me asap
*Um, what? I can definitely "take this job very important" if you can explain why you are approaching a lady who writes sexy smut to do manual labour for you? Are you some kind of creep?
And this one, Response: Hello my name is ####### i am looking for a house cleaner & keeper and the pay is good please get back to me if you are interested in the position for more details ,
Thank you.
And this one, Response: Hello my name is ####### i am looking for a house cleaner & keeper and the pay is good please get back to me if you are interested in the position for more details ,
Thank you.
*Um, what? You really liked the erotica that much that you want to give me a job cleaning your shitter? Fuck, that sounds pretty fucking sweet actually. When can I start? About the same time you read my blog?
Response: Hello, I have job opportunity you might be interested in doing. Let me know if you are still looking for a job .
Regards.
*Um, what? You really liked the erotica a lot, eh, Baby. xoxoxo
Repeat, Response: Hello how you doing today,
I need a driver for my wife so pls if you know you are a perfect driver get back to me with your contact phone number that i can reach you at any time of the day or night so i can call you and we can talk better , i will be waiting to read from you soon . ####
*Um, what? You're really digging the sex stories, eh? Kinky for sure.
Response: How are you doing today ..Please i need someone that can Work as my personal assistant and earn $300 weekly. Reply for details
##### ##########-### ### ####
*Um, what? You want 42.85 minutes a week of chat, on the phone or through an instant messenger? Fuck ya, I love chit chat. Good times all around. Can't wait!
Repeat classic scam, Response: Hi there,There is a survery job position available in your area, You will be paid $400 weekly taking survey at big and small stores in your area.
For consideration and more information get back to me.
Thanks
######### #######
*Um, what? Is it the smut that keeps bringing you back to me? You really like to read about fucking, huh?
Repeat response: Part-time House Cleaner/keeper needed urgently.... This is a part-time position. Hours are 2 to 3 hours daily..2 times in a week..Responds back for more details if interested..
Thanks.
*Um, what? You didn't get the memo where I was all "I'm a writer, bitch, I ain't scrubbing yo' floors. Fuck!!"? It was last week or the week before.
Response: Hello
I am looking for someone who can handle my personal and business errands at his/her spare time.If you have a enough time to do the work do get back for more details
Thanks
Response: Hello
I am looking for someone who can handle my personal and business errands at his/her spare time.If you have a enough time to do the work do get back for more details
Thanks
*Um, what? Is your interest in my filling that role based on your enjoyment of the erotica?
Repeat, Response: Are you still looking for a job ?
*Um, what? Are you still responding to ads for erotica stories pretending that your scam is worth my time? That's hot! I can admit that I'm pretty turned on by your obtusity!
Again, again, with another different e-mail address, Response: Happy Sunday,
How was your day?We are looking a great Caregiver which is honest and trustworthy Pls i will like you to get back to me with your resume cover and if you don't have resume cover just mail us back and i will be waiting for your timely response.
Thanks.
*Um, what? You really are into the smut, ain'tcha?
Response: Hello, Are you still looking for work? Thanks
Again, again, with another different e-mail address, Response: Happy Sunday,
How was your day?We are looking a great Caregiver which is honest and trustworthy Pls i will like you to get back to me with your resume cover and if you don't have resume cover just mail us back and i will be waiting for your timely response.
Thanks.
*Um, what? You really are into the smut, ain'tcha?
Response: Hello, Are you still looking for work? Thanks
*Um, what? Do you mean to say that my full time role as a spam baiter isn't work??? That's rude!
Response: personal assistance I have a job opening for you as my direct personal assistance , if interested get back to me as soon as possible .I will be waiting for your swift response
Response: personal assistance I have a job opening for you as my direct personal assistance , if interested get back to me as soon as possible .I will be waiting for your swift response
*Um, what? The composition style and grace with which I delivered that erotica convinced you I'd be a good minion, eh? Very astute. And obviously you have good taste in literature, too. Good stuff.
Response: Hello is this jewelry still available for sale and in good condition ? wait to read from you soon or you can also contact me through this phone number ### ### #### .#########
*Um, what? Is that some kind of sex thing I've not yet heard of? If you really wanted to "read from me soon", you'd have read the sexy story attached to my ad.
Classic scammer, Response: We are looking to hire a full time administrative assistant to handle multiple tasks and provide support to our processors and closers.
Candidates for the position must posses the following:
**BILINGUAL ENGLISH/SPANISH**
*Excellent Customer Services Skills
*Organized
*Multi Task
*Self Starter
*Computer Skills
Serious inquiries only
If interested please email resume.
Office Hours Monday-Friday 10am-2pm
Starting Compensation: $450 / week
#######.
*Um, what? Is "Eat A Dick!" your company motto or did you just really enjoy the sex story?
This guy again, with his spammy link at the alleged request of some other spammy guy, company name removed and blah, blah, blah, better information in place of it, Response: Hey Steve told me to share this with you Hi,
I saw your resume and see than you are looking for work. Would you be open minded to look at other ways to make money while searching for your job ?
If you are interested please take a look at we do.
Click this link: [If you see a link from an unknown sender, http://tinyurlchecker.com/ can let you know what it really is in that shortened URL. This YouTube video is embedded later if you don't wanna click this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?
Thank you for your time.
##########
This guy again, with his spammy link at the alleged request of some other spammy guy, company name removed and blah, blah, blah, better information in place of it, Response: Hey Steve told me to share this with you Hi,
I saw your resume and see than you are looking for work. Would you be open minded to look at other ways to make money while searching for your job ?
If you are interested please take a look at we do.
Click this link: [If you see a link from an unknown sender, http://tinyurlchecker.com/ can let you know what it really is in that shortened URL. This YouTube video is embedded later if you don't wanna click this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?
Thank you for your time.
##########
##########
*Um, what? I'm still guessing you didn't get the memo that Steve and I are still fighting because I told everyone about his small penis on my blog... and I still won't take it down... Awkward. And I know you're full of shit about having seen my resume even though you've sent this message five times now, or you'd know about me revealing Steve's "little problem" when you read that erotica I posted... Both times. You do like fucking... don't you? Weirdo.
Life can be stressful, finding great help is priceless! Having a good laugh along the way helps, too. It's alleged to be the best medicine, and I support the theory wholeheartedly.
Adult humour is even better, in my books... though it might be fair to simply label this one as NSFW, but all my books are. That's the beauty of it; adult fun is fun.
http://donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/07/really-real-reality.html
Repeat, Response: CAREGIVER NEEDED How are you doing?Am #### ####,Am seeking a qualified candidate to fill a part time caregiver position. Qualified candidates will have little medical experience ? and other related duties as assigned...
Thanks and God Bless You?
Life can be stressful, finding great help is priceless! Having a good laugh along the way helps, too. It's alleged to be the best medicine, and I support the theory wholeheartedly.
Adult humour is even better, in my books... though it might be fair to simply label this one as NSFW, but all my books are. That's the beauty of it; adult fun is fun.
http://donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/07/really-real-reality.html
Repeat, Response: CAREGIVER NEEDED How are you doing?Am #### ####,Am seeking a qualified candidate to fill a part time caregiver position. Qualified candidates will have little medical experience ? and other related duties as assigned...
Thanks and God Bless You?
*Um, what? You again? Do you hire adult entertainers exclusively? That's gotta get expensive, for reals.
Oh what! Same crappy e-mail, different e-mail address, Response: Hello,
I need a cleaner/house keeper, i need someone who is above 18 and very honest and take thi job very important, Get back to me asap
*Um, what? You like the sex stories a lot!!
Oh what? Again with this one, from a different e-mail address, Response: Hello my name is #### i am looking for a house cleaner & keeper and the pay is good please get back to me if you are interested in the position for more details ,
Thank you.
*Um, what? Again? Your parents named you aptly, that's for sure. I'm glad you enjoyed the sexy time though, that's nice.
Repeated again, response: Are you still looking for a job ?
*Um, what? Are you still looking for a sexy time writer?
Yes, these guys are obviously plowing their spam awfully hard, too, from many, many e-mail addresses, company name replaced with relevant information, Response: Position open for employment? if you are looking for extra income, we are seeking someone to fill a full time customer service/inside sales position. The best candidates would be responsible for entering customer orders and answering inquiries accurately and within the same day received. Excellent follow-up skills, must have excellent phone etiquette skills, send us a message/forward your resume to http://globegazette.com/news/local/kelly-services-lawsuit-settled-out-of-court/article_29c5530c-a060-11e1-ac0a-0019bb2963f4.html for more details.
*Um, what? Still..how do I know if you have a position open for employment, why the fuck do you guys keep asking me? Or is that part of the fine print? Is part of the problem you're having due to trying to recruit erotica writers to work at your shitholes? Is that some sort of rule you guys have to follow? Interesting policy. Really going that extra mile for your clients, huh? Nice one!
Response: Hello
I hope your service still available
*Um, what? The blog is available 24 hours a day, as long as Blogger is up and running, and the same is true of the Internet at large. Or were you matching absurdity for absurdity? Slick!!
Response: Happy Sunday,
How was your day?We are looking a great Caregiver which is honest and trustworthy Pls i will like you to get back to me with your resume cover and if you don't have resume cover just mail us back and i will be waiting for your timely response.
Thanks.
*Um, what? Still..how do I know if you have a position open for employment, why the fuck do you guys keep asking me? Or is that part of the fine print? Is part of the problem you're having due to trying to recruit erotica writers to work at your shitholes? Is that some sort of rule you guys have to follow? Interesting policy. Really going that extra mile for your clients, huh? Nice one!
Response: Hello
I hope your service still available
*Um, what? The blog is available 24 hours a day, as long as Blogger is up and running, and the same is true of the Internet at large. Or were you matching absurdity for absurdity? Slick!!
Response: Happy Sunday,
How was your day?We are looking a great Caregiver which is honest and trustworthy Pls i will like you to get back to me with your resume cover and if you don't have resume cover just mail us back and i will be waiting for your timely response.
Thanks.
*Um, what? Please read the sex story attached to my posting. You're an idiot, proper.
Response: Hello,
I read through your resume. I am in need of a data typist/Personal Payroll Assitance. No experence needed.
#### ########
*Um, what? I guaran-fucking-tee you did NOT read through my resume. Because I suspect that if you'd read a sex story, you wouldn't be calmly reporting an alleged assistant position. Just a theory though. Or is this binary smut? Damn, that's kinky, son!
Repeat, response: Hello, I need a cleaner in your area kindly reply me back if you are interested kindly reply me back to my email as soon as possible for more information.
Thanks
*Um, what? By area, do you mean some kind of sex thing?
Response: Hello Are you still seeking for jobshoot me an email if yes
Repeat, response: Hello, I need a cleaner in your area kindly reply me back if you are interested kindly reply me back to my email as soon as possible for more information.
Thanks
*Um, what? By area, do you mean some kind of sex thing?
Response: Hello Are you still seeking for jobshoot me an email if yes
*Um, what? Did you really like the sexy story that much? *blushing*
Response: Hello, i got ur message posted on #####..Are you still looking for job ? #####
*Um, what? Like I posted that erotica there just for you? What do you mean "What erotica?" ?
Response: PA NEEDED are you still looking for a job?
*Um, what? Is that based on my ability to make a boner with words alone? Lil dirty talk, or some such?
Response: can you tell me a little more?
*Um, what? You'll have to wait for the rest of the book like everybody else, silly. I'm glad you liked the erotica though, thanks!
Sounds like a classic scammer scam, see links I've attached, Response: Good Day
We are looking for a Serious, very stable, dependable, reliable individual on Part-Time / Full-Time basis to work as my personal Rep who will be book-keeping and processing payment .
Applicants must be at least above 18 years of age and have the ability to receive payments weekly from our customers. No experience necessary but welcomedand this won't affect your present job.
If you are interested, please send an email with your resume
Best Regards,
##### #######
Company name removed, though not difficult to determine by clicking these links: http://www.scamvent.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=1433 or http://www.scamwarners.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=34&t=28345&p=76270
*Um, what? Is it a great networking opportunity for smut writers? Do a little sexy storyboarding together in a room where every available surface has been painted with chalkboard paint? Fuck ya, I'm all over that!!
Again, Response: Hello how you doing today,
I need a driver for my wife so pls if you know you are a perfect driver get back to me with your contact phone number that i can reach you at any time of the day or night so i can call you and we can talk better , i will be waiting to read from you soon . ####
*Um, what? Again with you responding to erotica advertisements placed in cities 500 kilometres from each other pretending to need a driver for your special lady friend? Are you looking for a drug mule mule? She transports the dope, I transport her? Fuck, I can't be involved in known criminal ventures. Unfortunate because I really do love driving, you crackertastic piece of scam.
Repeat classic scam, Response: Hi there,
There is a survery job position available in your area, You will be paid $400 weekly taking survey at big and small stores in your area.
For consideration and more information get back to me.
Thanks,
#### ######
*Um, what? Is it that you think my cleavage will give me an advantage as a survey taker? I'll run numbers for you, I love statistics but fuck a survey. Seriously, read the erotica.
Repeat Response: You looking for a part time Job? Are you available to run errands? I
am looking for someone who can handle my personal Assistant and run
business errands at his/her spare time. Someone who can offer me these
services:Mail services: Receive my mails and drop them off at UPS
(nothing illegal).or pick items up at nearby post office at your
convenience.Let me know if you will be able to offer me any of these
services....
Thank you!
PS: I found you on ########
*Um, what? I tried to try to be gentle the first time but... fuck you, you're getting it full on this time. I think you can't handle your staff because you look for staff in all the wrong places to do all the wrong things? How does acting as your mail bitch to help launder stolen credit card purchases have anything to do with writing sexy stories and people fucking like animals?
Quite possibly.... ... The most entertaining resume you've ever read. This week.
http://donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/08/ask-hot-chick-fore.html
Response: We are acknowledging receipt of your resume sent to us as regards you looking for a job on ####### and we are interested in furthering your application process. We would like you to know about our urgent recruiting near your location,very good pay for right person, so that you don't have to stick to your own kind of job when you can do other jobs to be more comfortable.
send me a mail or send call/text to:############ Thank you
######### #####
Repeat Response: You looking for a part time Job? Are you available to run errands? I
am looking for someone who can handle my personal Assistant and run
business errands at his/her spare time. Someone who can offer me these
services:Mail services: Receive my mails and drop them off at UPS
(nothing illegal).or pick items up at nearby post office at your
convenience.Let me know if you will be able to offer me any of these
services....
Thank you!
PS: I found you on ########
*Um, what? I tried to try to be gentle the first time but... fuck you, you're getting it full on this time. I think you can't handle your staff because you look for staff in all the wrong places to do all the wrong things? How does acting as your mail bitch to help launder stolen credit card purchases have anything to do with writing sexy stories and people fucking like animals?
Quite possibly.... ... The most entertaining resume you've ever read. This week.
http://donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/08/ask-hot-chick-fore.html
Response: We are acknowledging receipt of your resume sent to us as regards you looking for a job on ####### and we are interested in furthering your application process. We would like you to know about our urgent recruiting near your location,very good pay for right person, so that you don't have to stick to your own kind of job when you can do other jobs to be more comfortable.
send me a mail or send call/text to:############ Thank you
######### #####
*Um, what? Did you just offer me a job because of my boundless knowledge of cross-dressers? You know... I kinda think youy're lying about having read my resume.
Creepiest, Response: Reliable babysitter position My wife and I are coming from canada .We are entering the country to spend a honeymoon month. We need a reliable and responsible babysitter, that can take care of our 5years old daughter.Interested babysitter should kindly apply asap.
Creepiest, Response: Reliable babysitter position My wife and I are coming from canada .We are entering the country to spend a honeymoon month. We need a reliable and responsible babysitter, that can take care of our 5years old daughter.Interested babysitter should kindly apply asap.
*Um, what? I feel fucking sick right now. Why in the world would you ask a sex writer to care for your child? I'm not a fucking creep but you don't fucking know that. And fail times fail, fuckers, the city this ad was posted in, is a Canadian city so what the fuck is up with that? This is all just too fucking creepy. Like reportable creepy. Serious fucking shudder.
Demons that are manageable after that unsettling one, company link removed and replaced with some investigative journalism that will again reveal the company name if you care that much, Response: Are you looking to make some money while waiting to find your perfect job?
20 Part time Online Marketers Urgently Needed
Must Have Computer and Internet Access
No Experience Necessary…No Sales…You never have to speak to any one.
$2335-$4688 Hourly or Commission monthly depending on experience.
Social Media and Internet Exp. A+
Simple Online Training Provided
Demons that are manageable after that unsettling one, company link removed and replaced with some investigative journalism that will again reveal the company name if you care that much, Response: Are you looking to make some money while waiting to find your perfect job?
20 Part time Online Marketers Urgently Needed
Must Have Computer and Internet Access
No Experience Necessary…No Sales…You never have to speak to any one.
$2335-$4688 Hourly or Commission monthly depending on experience.
Social Media and Internet Exp. A+
Simple Online Training Provided
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdwUitTFVzg The video is so well done that I subscribed to this guy, he seems to know his shit. Researching is researching, doesn't matter what you're digging on.
*Um, what? Do you usually invite cross-dressing experts into your program? Oh no, that's right! Your people really liked the sexy time stories, as well. Kinky buggers aren't you?
Response: A Cleaner is needed to handle the cleaning of our new apartment.. Do get back to me ASAP if you are interested.. Thanks
*Um, what? Are you looking for a cross-dressing French Maid? Is it okay if they aren't French as long as they wear the costume? I need details here, people!!
Volunteer Help Wanted:
http://donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/08/help-wanted.html
Good help is hard to find, they say it cuz it's true...
Response: Hi my name is ####, I saw your post today, and would first like to share my agreement on the truth about good help. I have time on my hands to share and am interested in knowing what the help you need entails. Hope to hear from you soon
Yours Faithfully
*Um, what? You're so faithful AND "interested in knowing what the job entails" that you didn't even read the absurd article I posted with my ad? Damn, do you have a brother, too. It'd be awesome to feel like I'm babysitting grown adults who are supposed to be my pool boys. The boy part of that expression is, well, it's just an expression... I did forget to include massage skills, or maybe I didn't but my back fucking hurts right now. Your silliness makes my kidneys ache... that's the truth.
Response: Let me help sooth them
Response from the same guy, 30 seconds later: Would like to massage them
*Um, what? Idiot savant without the savant? I'm going to need to be soothed if I were to have to talk to you for more than 11 seconds. I'm gayer than I was before I read your message, I can feel that deep in my soul. Check out the next response, I'll try to hook you up together.
Life is rarely what we expect. Kinda like the fantastic collection of words to be found here: http://redd.it/yhfnm (You can Google "Reddit" if you're scared of that link. It's legit, I promise)
Laughter really is the best medicine. Though TV celebrities are pretty cool, too... Don't take my word for it though, I'm biased.
In retrospect, I should have posted The URL Unshortener with this. The word "fuck" in the title of the blog link was setting off their stupid flags. Hoorah for Reddit!
Response: I hope your offering sex, cause I would love to disrobe and deflower you.
Horny 60 year old man here.
###
*Um, what? You obviously don't have daughters or granddaughters, eh? Aside from that do you really think that a woman in her mid thirties hasn't been "deflowered" yet? Isn't it a little redundant to mention that you're horny after mentioning that you're a man, looking for a shag, with me? It is, trust me, you're a hopeless dumbass. Also, are you into the whole puking thing because I definitely just puked in my mouth a bit there when I read your message. The link that you didn't click on, which would have answered your stupid questions, is a bit of celebrity name dropping, with words... Y'know, "Imma Writa"... y'know words, not pussy. Words about pussy, but I can see that you're an idiot and would absolutely confuse "fantastic collection of words" with "warm, wet hole for your limp dick".
Volunteer Help Wanted:
http://donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/08/help-wanted.html
Good help is hard to find, they say it cuz it's true...
Response: Hi my name is ####, I saw your post today, and would first like to share my agreement on the truth about good help. I have time on my hands to share and am interested in knowing what the help you need entails. Hope to hear from you soon
Yours Faithfully
*Um, what? You're so faithful AND "interested in knowing what the job entails" that you didn't even read the absurd article I posted with my ad? Damn, do you have a brother, too. It'd be awesome to feel like I'm babysitting grown adults who are supposed to be my pool boys. The boy part of that expression is, well, it's just an expression... I did forget to include massage skills, or maybe I didn't but my back fucking hurts right now. Your silliness makes my kidneys ache... that's the truth.
Response: Let me help sooth them
Response from the same guy, 30 seconds later: Would like to massage them
*Um, what? Idiot savant without the savant? I'm going to need to be soothed if I were to have to talk to you for more than 11 seconds. I'm gayer than I was before I read your message, I can feel that deep in my soul. Check out the next response, I'll try to hook you up together.
Life is rarely what we expect. Kinda like the fantastic collection of words to be found here: http://redd.it/yhfnm (You can Google "Reddit" if you're scared of that link. It's legit, I promise)
Laughter really is the best medicine. Though TV celebrities are pretty cool, too... Don't take my word for it though, I'm biased.
In retrospect, I should have posted The URL Unshortener with this. The word "fuck" in the title of the blog link was setting off their stupid flags. Hoorah for Reddit!
Response: I hope your offering sex, cause I would love to disrobe and deflower you.
Horny 60 year old man here.
###
*Um, what? You obviously don't have daughters or granddaughters, eh? Aside from that do you really think that a woman in her mid thirties hasn't been "deflowered" yet? Isn't it a little redundant to mention that you're horny after mentioning that you're a man, looking for a shag, with me? It is, trust me, you're a hopeless dumbass. Also, are you into the whole puking thing because I definitely just puked in my mouth a bit there when I read your message. The link that you didn't click on, which would have answered your stupid questions, is a bit of celebrity name dropping, with words... Y'know, "Imma Writa"... y'know words, not pussy. Words about pussy, but I can see that you're an idiot and would absolutely confuse "fantastic collection of words" with "warm, wet hole for your limp dick".
No comments:
Post a Comment