Male Genitalia and Video Games

A penis is a lot like video games on Facebook.

The longer you play, the harder it gets. But it's not

Facebook Creepers

You know those times when you're lurking on Facebook and you see a friend of a friend comment on your friend's post. So you click on their profile and creep their pictures. And then you see someone who is so hot you want to eat them

Anal

"99 Problems"

Well, that's not actually true. Only two posts in and these bitches want to turn me into Dear Abby... hot.

Bitches, I do love you and I'm genuinely sorry your problems exist, or that you're too dim to avoid them. If I had a magic wand, an actual magic rather than the euphemistic penis you'd be offered in a lot of other venues, I could wave that shit and happily ever after could be yours. Maybe I'll check out E-bay and see what I can do. In the meantime, you could attempt to:

-avoid going out with someone if you think he's a loser. Granted, you don't always know until you go out, but H, you knew in advance of The Date that you had no interest in the guy. "Free dinner" is a shitty excuse to go out with

Wanna Chat?

"Wanna Chat?" And other Freakquently Asked Questions...

A conglomerate (of men) and I were having this conversation. Approximately 18, 000 times. It's slightly paraphrased for flow but this is pretty much how the conversations go, give or take. It just kinda blurs into a single idiot in my head. They really don't distinguish themselves from the other idiots that well because the conversations are so remarkably similar that they might be using the same script. 

Ladies, or guys: if you have an amazing man (or two, or whatever your fucking slutty deal is) in your life, go fuck the shit out of him right now. Right now!! If you're on the rag and don't "do" period sex cuz it's against your religion or some shit, go suck his dick until he blows all over your goddamned face. If you just got your tongue pierced and are still riding out the 6-8 weeks, give him the best handjob he ever had, or take it in the ass. If he'in another country send nude ass pics to his phone, straight up phone sex, do whatever you gotta do to give that man some booty treasure.

Friends With Benefits

Pay no mind to the fact that by adding the make-up and hair, I  made this bitch look like a trannie.
I stole this from the Internet from someone else who stole it from the Internet.
We're both fucking assholes.
But if you've ever wondered why girls are always willing to "pretend"
to be each other's lesbian lovers on bar night... the truth is:
It's not pretend.

Excerpt--


...watching her perfect ass in the shorts as she went for the plates. I ran my finger along the silk babydoll dress wondering when she would put it on and how high the hem would be on those sexy legs. "What are we watching?"

"Porno, that way we won't have to follow the story too closely." Grabbing the remote control and tossing it beside me on the couch, she said, "Find us something funny. Or with car chases." She started undoing her

Hand Job Advice

Please help. I'm from LOCATION OMITTED. I'm 23. A student. And broke.

I took a massage course 2 years ago. My friends say I'm really good at it. I thought I could make some extra cash if I advertised to cheap massages. I'm not RMT so I charge less. It's hard work and OMG,  laundry.

I saw your post about being on the Internet. I thought maybe you could help me. It's like everyonewho responds wants a hand job. I just keep telling them I have aboyfriend That's true. But I don't know what I am "saying" that makes them think that. It's awkward and sometimes scary... I'm at some guy's place and he wants sex and I don't... I just try not to think about it. Maybe I'm being a baby...

I'm trying to make some cash... 

FML 

LYL, 

Hand job advice... did ya catch that one, massage, job you do with your hands... fuck, never mind...Where to even start on this madness? 

I think it's fair to say that most of us probably don't ask our grocery clerk to install our windows, hold our nuts while we bend and cough, or teach our rotten teenager Algebra, or any job, other than "grocery clerk". Fuck, we don't even ask them to come home with us to put the groceries away or cook dinner. "Just fill the fucking shelves, wheel that shit out to my car, I'll say thanks and I'll see your cracker ass next Thursday!"... right?

Life As A Chick On The Internet

It was hot inside the club, the DJ wasn't inspiring the urge to dance and there wasn't enough booze in the place to make me wanna fuck any of the patrons, so after bidding my bitches adieu, I went home early on Friday night. I was a lil drunked up and figured I would throw down some hours typing out some content for this here blog. But the booze was inspiring Starter's Block and I couldn't figure out what to write about. I came to the brilliant conclusion that I could post online and ask for ideas.