Strange Shit People Say

This is the shit you won't learn in ESL class. Like the way North Americans will sometimes use the expression "fuck you!" affectionately. The tone of delivery indicates most of the meaning. In print, look for the use of "smileys", "lol"s and "haha"s to determine if you're being loved or hated in any moment.

The Simplest Answer Is Usually The Correct Answer

Do you feel that most everything is fucked today, despite your valiant efforts to produce a less sucktastic day? 

Help Wanted

You've definitely always wanted to change the world, I can tell that about you just by the way you cock your head just so, as you read this. And I have an opportunity for you in that regard, because I care about your goals. It's my

Meet The Artist

My stunt double is taking a much needed leave of absence after you twats drove her mad with your stupidity. That's shitty for her but excellent for you because the chance of a lifetime is rearing it's beautiful head as a result.

The debate about my status as a hot chick or a but'erface is the hottest topic in all your tabloid magazines. 'Cause y'know, whether I'm pleasant or unfortunate looking has a lot of bearing on whether or not I can compose a fucking sentence. Or a regular sentence. Makes perfect sense.

Ask A Hot Chick - Six

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Proposals

No, thank you, I wouldn't like to get married to you. I appreciate the invitation but I almost guarantee you'd hate your life even more than you do now, if I was your wife. And I do guarantee that you're not the wife for me. I'd put money on it.

It has nothing to do with your mom

Oh Vagina, How We Do Love Thee

Vadge
Coochie
Cunt
Pussy
Vajayjay
The Almighty
Pink Canoe
Beaver
Poonanny
Poontang
Cock Pocket
Hoohoo
Bearded Clam
Birth Cannon
Pink Sausage Velvet Wallet
Cooter
Vertical Smile
Snatch

True Story, with Pictures

I wanted to settle some rumours about this whole thing. And I know that pictures tell the real story for many of you, so I threw some photographs in, too.

Legitimate Rape?

Illegitimate rape must be where the illegitimate children come from... things are making a lot more sense now.

What could I say about this dumbass that The Onion hasn't said better?

Warning: Fuckface Ahead!

Dating Law #37

A Bright Idea

Ain't that the truth...

So, I was all, "Fuck this, I'm going to buy a lamp..."

"Hi, I'm A Dirty Fucking Liar, And Dumb As Fuck, Too! Wanna Hook Up?"

"I'm a material girl, living in a material world"... I don't love Madonna, don't hate her but I definitely don't love her. And it'd be more apt to say "I'm a looking-for-blog-material girl, living in a there's-blog-material-everywhere world" but it just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Ya, I'm a fucking dickhead using social networks and online dating venues to peddle these here words. I'm gonna get the fuck all over YouTube at some point, too. Wait for it, it'll be... awesome. We're working on a photo series, too.

NSFW - Master and servant

Excerpt

~with a gorgeous stranger. He had an interesting view of my midsection where my shirt and blazer had lifted slightly from the hem of my skirt. I wondered if it was riding high enough to show my stomach.

Signals: The Where To of How To, Booty Styles

I'll talk to anyone, it's just the way I am designed. Zero fucks given.

I'm a closeted stand up comedian so an audience, any audience, invokes my funny bone. Add to that the fundamental concept that laughter is the best medicine, and that in some twisted parallel universe I am a

Ask A Hot Chick - Five

Q: I think I've figured out that I was avoiding "getting out there" by trying the online dating thing...

A: I think that your logic , to try out for the Online Dating Olympics, is sound. The odds are kind of fucked with the numbers in play, males 95, females 5, 3 of them pros, 1 BBW and 1 wild card. The wild card may have 5 kids or a husband. So, it's 95 to 1 or 2. So, that one or two percent is proof that not everything is too good to be true.

TGTBT

Sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees. It's a fairly normal bit of human stupidity. But the old saying "If it seems too good to be true, it probably is" exists for a reason. Broken down into lawyer speak, it translates into "This is the common rule but there are exceptions."

Because this blog is all about booty and how to access more of it

This Is Crazy

My Future Fiance and Ex-Husband (<-click that, it's a world of wonder)

Imma Writa YouTube Debut, Booyah, Nakedness

You know how "they" say "Thank Cleanliness It's Friday"? Ya well, today is like the best Friday of all time.

I know you've all been dying to see video footage of me,

Ask A Hot Chick - Fore!!!

Q: What do you think of male cross-dressers... I'm not gay!

A: A lot of cross-dressers aren't gay, not sure why you mentioned it with an exclamation point... don't care.

It's a little bit like that time

Ask A Hot Chick - Three

Paraphrased Query: Something about something, blah, blah, blah.

Things I Don't Know

Despite, or perhaps because of, all my mad wisdom, I openly admit there are still a few things I don't know.

One of those things is the reason why so many people ask me questions they should be asking their doctors,

Curiosity Killed The Cat: DTF That Guy

Bobak Ferdowsi's Plenty of Fish profile is blowing up by now. He's hot, he's fun, he's smart, he's all of a sudden famous, and damn, look at those lips!

Why am I 75% prepared to fuck some strange man with a fruity haircut? Well, firstly, it's more like 92%. I know it's 100% but to appear realistic, I left the window open 8%, just in case our pheromones don't mix well, or he finds  my jokes lame, or we have wildly opposing sexual preferences.

I'm definitely DTF that guy!

In No Particular Order, Top Ten Reasons I'm DTF Bobak But Won't Give You The Time Of Day:

Lady Gaga Nipple

Okay, there is no disputing it! That is Gaga Nipple.

Pics? NSA?

The number one slot, coming in just ahead of sport fucking as the number one male fantasy, is photo sharing with a babe.

Disclaimer

It seems that everything I say needs to come with a disclaimer... I won't get into the reasons you let your filters lead you to believe I am saying things I'm not. It's Saturday, I need a manicure before I can type at you about my sexcapades of late so you're going to need to blast through your own filters today. Blow your own

Fluff

1- My #lesbian #lover said I was overdue to fuck somebody, or at least have #sex @danieltosh again  http://donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/07/future-ex-husbands-and-how-to-use.html