Strange Shit People Say

This is the shit you won't learn in ESL class. Like the way North Americans will sometimes use the expression "fuck you!" affectionately. The tone of delivery indicates most of the meaning. In print, look for the use of "smileys", "lol"s and "haha"s to determine if you're being loved or hated in any moment.


Bitch
A bitch is a dog in heat. If you've ever experienced a dog in heat you know they will hump anything. In light of that and your obsession with your dick, I'd think that'd be welcome behaviour. Instead we call those girls sluts, and it's derogatory. And bitch indicates "meanie"...In both cases,  is it that she won't fuck you?

Cocksucker
Unless you're one of the five grown men in the world who don't enjoy having your dick sucked, I really don't get this one. Ya, sure, you call another guy a cocksucker and he'll probably get all uppity about the gay homosexual inference but I think that if someone calls you a cocksucker, it's their way of acknowledging your altruism... the world needs to get it's dick sucked more. Many hands make light work... wrong reference.

Dickhead
Here's another I just can't wrap my head around... The head is the best part, it rocks the g-spot... "way to make your lady happy" doesn't seem like much of an insult to me.

Dumb Bitch
The last resort of a hopeless douchetard, generally after a bitch has been anything but mute, or dim, if we're taking that angle on the word dumb. 

Eat A Bag Of Dicks
That's a disturbing bit of imagery. I'd like to know where these dicks came from and why you have them in a bag in the first place. Do you need an intervention? Please submit all applications by Thursday, 5pm EST.

Eat Me
I guess if your vadge is rotten, this is a nasty thing to say. But if I was saying it, it's not insulting in the least. Cunnilingus is the best part of any afternoon... what the fuck is wrong with people?

Fuck Me
No one ever means "fuck me" when they say it. Don't even bother trying, you may end up in court.

Fuck You
Again, with the if, regarding the expression being uttered by someone who is gross in every sense of the word, but really, isn't love making the ultimate way to show you care? That, and clean laundry.

Fuckface
Free Mustache Rides are very pleasant. Some people really go in for the facesitting, and I don't see how that's a bad thing if both parties are really into it. If anything you deserve a high five for being in tune with your partner.

Go Fuck Yourself
When you fuck someone else, you're not guaranteed an orgasm. But when you fuck yourself, it's pretty much a sure thing, every time, and you don't have to bring flowers or candy. Suggesting that I go have some self love time isn't a bad idea at all. I just may.

Motherfucker
K, technically, a Motherfucker is a Baby Daddy who stuck around, or some other love interest who stuck around to do deadbeat baby daddy's job. How is that a bad thing. Moms need to get fucked, too, and what the fuck is wrong with sticking around to tend your loin fruit. Considering how many people don't take the role seriously, kudos to you motherfuckers who do!

Pussy
Pussy is one of the sweetest, most delicious fruits on the vine. They also give the most amazing hugs... and you know they are all powerful, non-wimpy, types because you'll do and say just about anything to get one of those amazing hugs.