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Tuesday 14 August 2012

Ask A Hot Chick - Five

Q: I think I've figured out that I was avoiding "getting out there" by trying the online dating thing...

A: I think that your logic , to try out for the Online Dating Olympics, is sound. The odds are kind of fucked with the numbers in play, males 95, females 5, 3 of them pros, 1 BBW and 1 wild card. The wild card may have 5 kids or a husband. So, it's 95 to 1 or 2. So, that one or two percent is proof that not everything is too good to be true.
You have a notable advantage over approximately 75 of those other men in that you can compose a sentence and express a thought or feeling in doing so. I can't remember what you look like (lol*, I could go look but it's the weekend, I'm feeling lazy) but I don't seem to remember you as being unfortunate looking, another huge advantage. So, if you can be in the right place at the right time to encounter the wild card or BBW, if you're into that, your chances of "scoring" are a lot better than the samples I use on the blog, lol.

If you can find it in a photo meme on Facebook, it must be true!
My professional advice to you is to keep at it. If you can keep it in perspective that no friends with benefits arrangement precedes a friendship, your chances of future booty will be greatly increased. I'm just assuming you're not here to jump back into a relationship but if that is your goal, same rules apply, ain't no marriage before a shit pile of get to know you fun and games. Lol, I just mean, try to make friends, let that be the goal of the exercise. If some booty is meant to come out of it, it will, lol, humans are animals, it's inevitable. But if all you're expecting is some good conversation over some good dinner, it'll be a lot easier to avoid disappointment about bootylessness.

I might get in shit for revealing this secret about women but fuck secrets. But the truth is, chicks know guys wanna fuck at every available opportunity. The trick to getting their participation in that is to pretend you're not for long enough that she forgets and comes up with the idea herself. That's how all propaganda works. Make 'em think it's their idea and they will run with it.

You may also save yourself some drama with this method of gettin' to know a bitch before you stick it to her, so you know if you actually want to risk getting involved. Plenty of hot people open their mouths and magically transform into trolls, lol, every crazy fucker gives off cues of that craziness before anything explodes into drama wars. But being real attracts the same and you may end up with some great friends... if you don't let the assholes, marketing their businesses on hook up forums get you down...  (-that's me waving )

You can always Ask A Hot Chick but when in doubt, ask Atmosphere. Christians will refer you to the Bible but any [Hip Hop] Head knows that Slug's got all the answers! And you know who else has answers? The Ghetto Genius.



*I'm guilty of "lol"ing in print but you know what? Inflecting emotion in written communications is fucking difficult. I use the fucking Smileys like they are my bitch, because it's easier, especially in abbreviated communiques like texts and IM. IM is Instant Message, y'know "Chat", which used to mean "friendly conversation" and now means "Instant Message Conversation". Ya, I'm workin' on the acronyms article, patience Grasshoppers!

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