Ask A Hot Chick - Two

Respect is probably a little too much to ask considering we live in the real world and everything.

Anyone with a more balanced Hotness Measuring System
is welcome to defend this more than I care to.
Oh, wait, you already did...
right here.
Fucks given about anyone's approval: ZERO.
It's paramount to my hotness.

Reviews From The Nut Gallery - Two

People are still shy to comment openly on the posts and Facebook and shit. Or I'm a twat who makes private conversations public... you'd think that'd stop a certain number of people from talking to me, or at the very least sending me dicktures that I'm not allowed to use here... It doesn't.

Ask A Hot Chick - One

"Question: women think I am kind and great yet those comments always come from attached women. Why is it so difficult to find a sexy amazing woman who is single who will actually like me? Apparently those women all find me too average"


Well, I hate to have to state the obvious

DFB Has An Exciting New Feature

stolen

stolen

Inspired by comedian Paul Mooney's "Ask A Black Dude", I'm injecting a new segment into Donors For Boners: "Ask A Hot Chick".

Sexy Poetry...

My favourite husband and I were talking about, none other than the great and magnificent,

Juicy...

Here's a tricky one that'll be sure to

These Are A Few Of My Favourite Things

"Cleaning Out My Closet" While I Work On "The Next Episode" of "Pimp The System"

My "portable music device" dock has decided it can't face this world any longer.

I'll be honest, this is the greatest challenge I have faced this week and

Guns and Nuts

Now, don't misunderstand me, what happened at the Aurora theatre showing the latest Batman flick is fucking horrific. The physical pain and psychological terror isn't something I would wish on your worst enemy. I don't have any enemies so I couldn't wish it on them. No, I mean I don't. Other people may feel and report differently about it but I am master of my domain only. 

Naturally the gun debate is back on, as if it ever really ends. I know you're on the edge of your seat wondering: Who do I think is right?

Kinky Jizz

This may be the most important thing I ever share with you...

Best Friends, Tosh Talk, Censorship Bears, Free Speech... for some

Do you know who hates when artists get paid more than people with shittier jobs? Other artists, apparently.


So, I've been a little distraught because of the fight Daniel Tosh and I had about his ugly shoes. It wasn't really a fight, but it was our first disagreement and I guess our love had been blinding us to the realities of human relations a little. 

Just like getting banned on that writing forum this morning,

Obtusity Chameleon Warm-Ups: Sexy Time Pros(e)

Investigations make guilty parties feel uneasy. Though they make innocent parties uneasy, too, in a different way. For example, prostitutes. The ladies of the night, or the nooner depending on their shift,

Hater Vision and Even More Rape Talk

It seems that rape talk is all the rage these days, and you know me, always a follower... or human pun delivery system. Krusty the Klown says, "Hey Jerk. Puns are lazy writing!" but he's a clown. But I am a bit of a jerk. 

Clowns, rape talk, jerks, it just goes on and on. 

This week it's the fucktard Toronto Sun tabloid that's using the Letters To the Editor to help spread the good word that

Beauty, Prowess, Success, Fuck You: Baby Daddy Sues Baby Mama For Ugly Baby

It took a few years to hit failblog.org and get everyone talking about the  gene pool injustices we face. And it took me even longer to actually sit the fuck down and type at you about it. I've been busy.

For those of you even more behind the times than I am, all of the copied and pasted articles say the same thing; Chinese guy has a beautiful wife and they make a  fuck ugly baby. He's pissed. She admits to $100,000 in plastic surgery. He sues her for false pretenses, and wins.

The Porn Song

Since we're still going on about my Love's moral fibre deficiency, I'd like to

Pizza/Courtroom Porno, Take 1

Are we still talking about what's awful(ly funny in context)?

Le Weekend: Confessions

You know who's

"Not Guilty, That's How I Stay Filthy"

More Rape Talk: Creeps of all Ages

Let's set this up with the "half plus seven" rule. Or the"double minus seven" rule if you're on the other end of things.


What?? You don't know about the 1/2+7 Rule? I'm here for you. If you're Fuck Informed already, skip down a few paragraphs, this part'll just be a refresher course for you. What's "Fuck Informed"? ... Oh God, please don't tell me you think about sex this much and haven't done any research on our favourite topic. Seriously, how can you spend so much time thinking  and dreaming about anything and know nothing about it???  S'ok, I'm here to help you get "Fuck Informed", I'll stop judging your ignorance long enough to help you kill that ignorance. I'm a humanitarian like that.

Pimpin' Ain't Easy: Help Wanted

Real Problems

I think if I read one more tirade about how evil Daniel Tosh is, I may throw up the load of come I swallowed earlier.


Yesterday I mentioned our forthcoming marriage and our fantastically weird sex life, in great detail, and I've been too busy, picking out china for our skeet shooting reception that will follow the ceremony, to comment on what amounts to

Future Ex-Husbands and How To Use The Internet

I can help but think it,
It's the only thing keeping me on the fence.

Wrong, Soldier. My half-assed commitment to heterosexuality is impervious to all this grossness. It's like saying that because I saw some really disgusting people out there today that I am off sex forever. There are plenty of -9 asses wearing Lululemons outside of yoga studios. Plenty of greasy, pregnant looking men following along beside street cars and leering at nubile young things with 4% body fat. That couple who would read the bible and then make out like teenagers... Fuck, their memory makes me throw up in my mouth a bit.

What kind of twisted fuck am I to assault us all with that imagery? Probably some kind of fight or flight mechanism to preserve my status as a cock lover

WTF? DTF? SWM? MWM? ffm? BDSM? WTF?

Okay, I just read the funniest shit ever. I'm hoping it's composer will come in on guest blog duty with it. Fucking hilarious to the point that words escape me in trying to describe it to you. Yes! Words escaped me.

The best description I can give is that it's kind of an inside joke thing between non-chodes. The closest real world, ready reference I can come up with would be

20 Questions

The dicktures article is on the back burner. I guess you've been saved of the horror of dickture exposure by the scaredy cats who got real quiet when I actually asked. Even though I know you're kind of dying to see. It'll have to be more organic than all that, the shock cocks don't want to be recognized or something.

I decided a game of 20 Questions would be more fun. 

They're in no particular order, the computer decided everything. It's an open book test. The real answers to your real questions. The pictures make everything more fun.

"Can I borrow a feeling?"

It's kinda funny that when I actually ask for dicktures, you guys get all shy and quiet.


Is it that you enjoy the risk of being exposed,

Reviews From The Nut Gallery

This is what some people are saying, to my inbox, about Donors For Boners. I'll continue to add comments here cuz y'all are afraid to comment publicly. It's okay, I gotcha back.


I could have easily made this another entry about

Really Real Reality

In all honesty, I could grind it out faster if I wasn't so busy molesting myself and/or sport fucking strangers.

Y'see, just as it has always been suspected, women with incredible breasts really do

DTF

Dear Diary,

I finally met Steve, the "hot guy on ten". I didn't just meet him,