How To Get The Pussy (To Hug Your Dick), And Keep The Pussy

So, you wanna get laid... I have a secret for you. Two secrets actually...

"99 Problems"

Well, that's not actually true. Only two posts in and these bitches want to turn me into Dear Abby... hot.

Bitches, I do love you and I'm genuinely sorry your problems exist, or that you're too dim to avoid them. If I had a magic wand, an actual magic rather than the euphemistic penis you'd be offered in a lot of other venues, I could wave that shit and happily ever after could be yours. Maybe I'll check out E-bay and see what I can do. In the meantime, you could attempt to:

-avoid going out with someone if you think he's a loser. Granted, you don't always know until you go out, but H, you knew in advance of The Date that you had no interest in the guy. "Free dinner" is a shitty excuse to go out with

Friends With Benefits

Pay no mind to the fact that by adding the make-up and hair, I  made this bitch look like a trannie.
I stole this from the Internet from someone else who stole it from the Internet.
We're both fucking assholes.
But if you've ever wondered why girls are always willing to "pretend"
to be each other's lesbian lovers on bar night... the truth is:
It's not pretend.

Excerpt--


...watching her perfect ass in the shorts as she went for the plates. I ran my finger along the silk babydoll dress wondering when she would put it on and how high the hem would be on those sexy legs. "What are we watching?"

"Porno, that way we won't have to follow the story too closely." Grabbing the remote control and tossing it beside me on the couch, she said, "Find us something funny. Or with car chases." She started undoing her