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Wednesday, 16 January 2013

But I Can't And Other Excuses

This round of words is all about how to explain how you managed to get HERE, without identifying yourself as a person who searches for porn online. I have the analytics, I know the key words that bring randoms here :)

Why would you need to share? Duh, to help me out, so I can continue to entertain you and tell you why girls won't talk to you at recess.
Clever readers, it's time to stop saying "someone will help make it happen" and time to start being that someone. Gandhi style. You may still wish it was a big orgy in here but you know it's actually a lot more fun than all that... did I just say something was more fun than an orgy?
And if you really can't help out HERE  (Click on it, I promise it doesn't bite! Or if your concern is about the McWife seeing your credit card statement, and wondering why you've contributed $17 to a writer trying to hit the big time through a most unconventional online campaign to prove her way with words, you should really have a re-loadable credit card to use for online purchases anyway.), maybe I can convince you to help by sharing. In business it's called an endorsement.

But then again, this business of explaining that you were reading an article about, GASP, relationships... y'know, your wife may suck your dick if you tell her you're reading about relationships online and contributed to the author's campaign to write more, so you could read more. I'm not promising you anything but if you pay attention, it can happen for you. Short, tall, super-sized, skeletal, whore, virgin and anything in between. No excuses.
Anyway, this is the one to tell your wife about if you're brave enough to be honest. It's also the one to tell your friends about. They probably like vagina hugs, too.

I digress from my mission to help you in your quest to be secretive about your needs while helping me with mine. So here you are, thinking to yourself, "Jesus Fuck, I'm not giving that mouthy bitch, who's actually pretty funny and clever, twenty seven of my hard earned dollars... but she is mighty entertaining, and I kinda want her to stick around... I actually do get laid more when I follow her outlandishly presented advice."

I'm not going to arm wrestle you for your $42, let's just be clear. But there are plenty of "safe" forums where you could have encountered me... you don't have to admit that you were looking for side booty on a dating site. You all act so guilty it's a wonder she hasn't caught you yet.
Here's an easy cover up: "Someone at work forwarded this to me." There's also our old buddy Google. I know you haven't forgotten about him. But you may not know what it actually takes to get on the first page of Google. Yep, it's work too. Regardless there are more than a thousand key words in the tags here that could very well have been how you found the blog. And if you're willing to admit you read 50 Shades of Crap, gimme a fucking break. I still don't have to read it to know I can write better in my sleep.

So, all the links to everything that came before this list of links is here, and j.h. can finally see why I keep mentioning blue=link, or why the links are usually highlighted blue, because they disappear against the black background.

All the safe links where you may have found out about this here bit of wordy treasure, other than just kicking around on Blogger, reading for the hell of it, are huge, and blue. All the rest are direct links to to all the blog entries here. Just click that shit at random and read away, or copy and paste them someplace, share on Facebook or Twitter or wherever you hang out online. 
One click or share, no excuses.That's all I'm asking of you in in light of this but I do admit that $13 would be awesome, too.

Notice I don't even include, where I met you ;)


Wow, you actually made it all the way down here? You're impressive... Are you still looking for pictures? I a'ready tole ya, if we more than double the campaign goal I'll post a pussy pic. Another classic, like my YouTube Debut


  1. I came here by way of Ottawa CL 'rants and raves. It's a funny read once in a while, but sorry, I won't be donating money to you. Have a good weekend in this cold, grey city of ours. Canal should be open ;)

    - J.H

  2. I notice you've evolved your signature to the proper format, good work team! I appreciate your continued readership... and your selective attention ;)

    Would it kill you to share the giggles, which is the other suggestion I've made if you want to help with this Continued Giggle Deliverance Campaign.

    If you have other ideas that can help I'm all eyes on that, too. But I still can't eat compliments 'cause as much as I would love to feed my ego, I a'ready know "I write real good", and it's the body that needs support in order to continue to delight and entertain.

    You can still say you knew me before I was famous, but you'll probably want to delete your comment above before you go name dropping me ;)

  3. Lol, thanks.

    No ideas thus far. If I do think of something, I'll let you know.

    No need to delete my comment above. If I feel like name dropping, Imma drop it like it's hot, lol ;)


  4. Repetition works, right?

    "Would it kill you to share the giggles, which is the other suggestion I've made if you want to help with this Continued Giggle Deliverance Campaign."

    No need to come up with ideas, I've presented a few ;)

  5. Ahh, right, I'll recommend where I see fit.

    - J.H