Wanna Chat?

"Wanna Chat?" And other Freakquently Asked Questions...

A conglomerate (of men) and I were having this conversation. Approximately 18, 000 times. It's slightly paraphrased for flow but this is pretty much how the conversations go, give or take. It just kinda blurs into a single idiot in my head. They really don't distinguish themselves from the other idiots that well because the conversations are so remarkably similar that they might be using the same script. 

Ladies, or guys: if you have an amazing man (or two, or whatever your fucking slutty deal is) in your life, go fuck the shit out of him right now. Right now!! If you're on the rag and don't "do" period sex cuz it's against your religion or some shit, go suck his dick until he blows all over your goddamned face. If you just got your tongue pierced and are still riding out the 6-8 weeks, give him the best handjob he ever had, or take it in the ass. If he'in another country send nude ass pics to his phone, straight up phone sex, do whatever you gotta do to give that man some booty treasure.

Hand Job Advice

Please help. I'm from LOCATION OMITTED. I'm 23. A student. And broke.

I took a massage course 2 years ago. My friends say I'm really good at it. I thought I could make some extra cash if I advertised to cheap massages. I'm not RMT so I charge less. It's hard work and OMG,  laundry.

I saw your post about being on the Internet. I thought maybe you could help me. It's like everyonewho responds wants a hand job. I just keep telling them I have aboyfriend That's true. But I don't know what I am "saying" that makes them think that. It's awkward and sometimes scary... I'm at some guy's place and he wants sex and I don't... I just try not to think about it. Maybe I'm being a baby...

I'm trying to make some cash... 

FML 

LYL, 

Hand job advice... did ya catch that one, massage, job you do with your hands... fuck, never mind...Where to even start on this madness? 

I think it's fair to say that most of us probably don't ask our grocery clerk to install our windows, hold our nuts while we bend and cough, or teach our rotten teenager Algebra, or any job, other than "grocery clerk". Fuck, we don't even ask them to come home with us to put the groceries away or cook dinner. "Just fill the fucking shelves, wheel that shit out to my car, I'll say thanks and I'll see your cracker ass next Thursday!"... right?